Tuesday, April 17, 2007
First impressions
So after my very first real live dissertation-related experience in participant observation I have the following conclusions:
1. I need to really, really work on my not-so Endangered Language Z skills. Because I can carry on a funny little conversation but actually listening to native speakers? Not so good at it.
2. I need money to keep flying up to the Pacific Northwest. I figured this out as a) I got turned down for one grant and b) realized I totally missed the boat on another grant, the application for which is due Friday but needs to be mailed in and if I called up my professors for letters of recommendation they would laugh hysterically.
3. Therefore, I need a job that I don't have to do anything for but which pays me a lot of money. I realize this is normally called a "grant," but see above. Other options include "CEO" but I just don't have the connections.
4. Being away from your family doing research sucks. There is nobody to come home to at night and phone calls just don't cut it.
5. I am probably not spending as much time as I should on writing up my field notes. But I am so brain dead after 3-4 hours in the field (the allotted time for "beginning researchers," according to this book), that it is all I can do to remember what happened.
I would write more but my other obligations (mainly, the thing I am being paid for; that is, teaching) is calling me. To be continued.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
I found people. They need visas.
After six months of struggle in the greater L.A. area, my quest for informants was (I hope) solved by a five day trip to the Pacific Northwest. All hail the Sobreesdrújulas! Let the data collection begin! In April! I am praying to the visa gods that the group of transnational musicians that I have selfishly and naively claimed mine will get their papers and come to this fine land so that I might ruthlessly watch them speaking not-endangered language Z and acting out their various discursive practices.
When I am not spending excessive amounts of nonexistent cash on airline tickets to the Pacific Northwest, I am reading everything I can get my hands on about the Sobreesdrújulas and their relative uniqueness in country X. So I feel that I am finally making progress and thank God for that.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
HOW TO NOT WRITE A DISSERTATION IN TWO YEARS
2. When your advisor tells you to spend your time reading, ignore him. Reading, like funding, is for chumps. You want to collect data. Like yesterday. Forge your own path, without having developed a background on your potential participants.
3. Take a teaching job. Preferably one in a subject you have never taught, have limited knowledge about, and makes you feel like a total impostor every time you stand in front of the class. Spend your time trying to make the students like you instead of working on, you know, that dissertation thing.
4. Try to find participants in one large, diverse and completely uncohesive metropolitan area, where you don't even live and have to commute to via snarly freeways, once a week, due to the fact that you teach three days a week and that has suddenly taken over your life. Repeat ad nauseum.
5. Bitch incessantly on your blog about how hard this dissertation thing is, boo hoo hoo.
6. Embarrass yourself in front of your proposal committee when they basically tear you a new asshole, pointing out most notably that you have not read the most important literature on your potential participants.
7. Spend a few months agonizing over your proposal revisions, which absolutely nobody in your proposal committee will comment on, perhaps because they already think you are a loser.
8. Give up on large, diverse and uncohesive metropolitan area. Start reading. Realize that reading is valuable and if you'd read something to begin with you wouldn't have wasted six months of your life in the useless metropolitan area. Weep copiously.
9. Start over. You now have one year and one quarter left. Hoo hoo hahahahaha!!!
Monday, February 26, 2007
SO LONG, L.A.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
MY DISSERTATION IS MAKING ME CRAZY.
1. You get a great idea, or rather, you have an idea you've been slobbering over for a few years and you think, hey, why don't I turn this into a dissertation?
2. Your advisor can't quite seem to get your great idea out of the proposal stage. Meanwhile you're one year away from the job market and you still don't have any participants. Or no group of participants, anyway. You have a few scattered speakers of Not-Really-Endangered Language Z but no network means no diss.
3. Your advisor keeps telling you to read stuff. You want to go and find speakers of Not-Really-But-Almost Endangered Language Z so that you can justify even having the dissertation you claim you want to write.
4. At the same time, you are teaching a class in Portuguese (which is a relatively minor language but not Not-Really-But-Could-Be-Within-A-Few-Years Endangered Language Z), you are sort of holding down a household, trying to put pants on your child, who refuses to wear pants except under duress, trying to cook vegetables but often just resorting to fish sticks, and trying to give your husband a reason or two not to just abandon you and preserve his own sanity once and for all. All of which kind of cuts down on the time you should really be working on your dissertation.
5. In a word, argh.
I go to the wilds of Los Angeles tomorrow to find speakers of Not-Really-and-Who-Gives-A- Crap-Anyway Endangered Language Z. Wish me luck because I'm this close to just throwing the whole goddamn plan out the window.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Responses to feedback, some smart-assed
Community
There doesn’t seem to be a community of Language Z speakers in LA, and in any case those which you have contacted appear to be Sobreesdrújulas, a distinct group from other Country Xers. We think that you need to address this issue because community and social network are a major force affecting language maintenance and change. We encourage you to discuss the issue of sampling both of members of the community and language samples.
What if I found say five people who use their Language Z but have no immediate social network? And they’ve lived in LA for 10-20 years? Would that defeat the whole network theory? Would I win the linguistics equivalent of the Nobel Prize? Or at least get a good job? I really need a job. I’m a good worker. Someone please just hire me ABD.
Language
We encourage you to review more carefully the work of Haboud on minoritized languages because it seems to us that it is not the language but the socioeconomic status of the speakers that render a language minoritized.
I agree and so would Haboud. I don’t know where in my proposal I hinted otherwise. Please see page one.
We would appreciate clearer indications with examples from conversational data of your understanding of language alternation because of the massive incorporation into Language Z of Spanish loan words.
Okay. I can do that. I think.
We would like to see a clearer indication of strategic language choice by the speakers beyond use of ‘nishka’ and certain vocabulary items.
Please see examples on the section titled data analysis. As you can see by the examples, items such as pauses/hesitations and the co-construction of conversational flow (indicated by ña) also indicate strategic or non-strategic language choice. I will make this more explicit in the dissertation.
Researcher’s Role
We encourage you to take a more organic role in the lives of her participants, and to focus on a smaller number of participants than the 50 that you envisage. We also encourage you to ask yourself who your work is relevant for, and to conceive your dissertation research as a product and a process that may benefit the people that you study.
I am having a huge problem with this and I feel like if I DO try to be ethical I will become a sociologist and not a linguist! The problem is my work will most likely not benefit the people I study. The best I can do is to do no harm and try to be as unobtrusive as possible. I think the current discussion on ethics in
Identity
Your discussion of identity ranges widely, but we encourage you to consider means other than language through which identity is constructed: Crafts, music, employment, commerce, and marriage practices are some.
The point of focusing on identity as it pertains to language was precisely because it is perceived as static in most literature on language maintenance. Part of the goal of my dissertation is to figure out whether or not this perception really applies or if new theories could shed light on perceptions of identity. I could put some sentences about how identity can be constructed on other ways but isn’t this supposed to be a diss about LANGUAGE?
We also encourage more discussion of ways of ascription, co-construction, and altercasting of identity.
Okey-dokey.
Sobreesdrújulas
You should be aware that Sobreesdrújulas are a distinct group from other Language Z-speaking Country Xers, and you should consult the writings of Meisch and Colluredo for an introduction to Sobreesdrújula society.
Okay, but I’m not really sure at this point who I am going to get. It seems like everyone focuses on sobreesdrújulas in the lit. Would like to find a different group if possible but we’ll see how the recruiting goes.
Operationalization
We would like to see a sketch of how theoretical concepts like language and identity are realized in specific practices.
I will do that once I get examples of the ACTUAL DAMN PRACTICES. Because I have no fucking community!!! Argh!!! Sorry, it’s not you, it’s me. Really.
But at the same time, how can I show you how they are realized in specific practices when this is supposed to be a PROPOSAL, which means I have NO DATA, and therefore no specific practices, at this time?
Discursive Practice
We encourage you to look beyond a research site such as home or work to the practices that speakers do because it is through the interactions of practice that identities are achieved.
This is so my advisor talking. I love how he puts the last part as if it were irrefutable fact. Especially since that’s part of what I’m trying to find confirmation for in my diss.
Theoretical Perspective
We encourage you not to worry about the labels for your research methods. We noticed that you seem to shy away from ‘Conversation Analysis’ and ‘Grounded Theory’ perhaps because of the epistemological and methodological baggage that those terms imply. We recognize that you need to do a close CA transcription of her data, but perhaps the most appropriate term for what you plan to do is Erickson’s ‘ethnographic microanalysis.’
Finally, a label for what the hell I’m doing. I’m glad because I was really tired of saying what I was not doing. I hope Erickson’s work is relevant. Have I started reading it yet? Hell, no! It’s still the holidays, as far as me and my supply of White Russians are concerned.
Rhetorical Organization
We encourage you to rethink the organization of your proposal so that one topic leads convincingly to the next; and motivating your research questions does not mean leaving them until the very end of the proposal.
Was there anything besides the research questions at the end (which my advisor told me to do) that wasn’t convincingly leading enough?
Transnationalism
Since this is a key concept for you, we encourage you to read the work of Alastair Pennycook and Arjun Appadurai and to discuss the implications of their writing for your study.
Any suggestions for Pennycook? I’m coming up kind of blank. Not like I’ve looked all that hard. Because I’m an underachiever. But I still think I deserve a good job.
Friday, December 29, 2006
I am so not writing my proposal. AGAIN.
Ethnographic fieldwork is a slow, slogging process and unless you are in with your group before the fact don't anyone tell you otherwise. Seriously, it's to the point where I'm considering switching my study to upper middle class mothers on antidepressants, even though it has nothing to do with language. Because I actually know a few of those. I don't know anyone who is a native speaker of Language Z (which is not even endangered, as I recently found out, which just shows how much of an idiot I am) and why should I? And why should they want to know me? And why do I have to spend so much time getting to know them when I'm 36 and want a career already and THIS IS ALL TAKING TOO LONG waah waah waah?
I could continue on in this highly discouraging vein, but I'm doing so well at procrastinating that I really don't need any extra help.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Help a fellow graduate student.
APPROVED!
So on with the biggest challenge of my dissertation: Find speakers of Endangered Language Z! A typical cold call goes like this (translated from language B, which I am much more fluent in than Language Z):
Me: Hi, are you Y?
Y: Yes
Me: I'm (insert my name here). I got your name from (insert random contact here, anything from actual human being to web site) I'm doing research on Endangered Language Z and wondered if you knew anyone who spoke it.
Y: Yes, there are people who speak it.
Me: Cool! Wanna meet with a total stranger and discuss this?
Y: (dead silence)
Me: Okay, I didn't really say that. Would you be interested in meeting and discussing this further?
Y: Sure
Me: Where do you live?
Y: (obscure town in Orange County)
Me: Oh, I don't know (obscure town in Orange County). Is there a Starbucks there?
Y: (with some condescension) There are Starbucks everywhere (moron).
Me: (typing away on Starbucks website) oh, there's one at such and such avenue. When's a good time for you?
Y: tomorrow
Me: (crap, I have a doctor's appointment for my son that I've been waiting months for)--No problem! See you there at one. (it should take me an hour to get there which means I really hope we're done with the doctor's appointment, crap crap crap)
Y: (who the hell are you?) okay, see you then.
Whether or not Contact Y will be able to lead me to speakers of Endangered Language Z remains to be seen, but this is how my life is going to go for the next month.
Oh and Contact G is going to Hawaii for two months.
And Contact F is out of the country until the end of January.
Looks like I'm going to be doing a lot more cold calls. And reading.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
PROPOSAL DONE. NOW WHAT?
It's been hard to find people. Especially since I am not looking right now since I was immersed in the proposal stage. That really makes it hard to find respondents, that not looking thing. You know? But now I am ready to go track down some wary indigenous people who, if they are in their right mind, will tell me to fuck off and go bug someone else. Although the people I have gotten in contact with have been very nice although by now they are probably completely confused because I haven't gotten in touch with them BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN WRITING A PROPOSAL. Which I present to the committee on December 8th.
The big question is not: do I do PowerPoint? because of course everyone does PowerPoint, but rather, should I include animation effects? Not the sounds, the sounds, they are oh so unprofessional. The flying letters thing, that would probably be stupid too. But maybe a few melting words would make this crazy project have so much more impact. Ya think?
Okay now I have to go to my other blog and write about my son.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
A DREAM DENIED, OR, I GUESS I'LL HAVE TO WRITE MY DISSERTATION AFTER ALL.
It's tempting because I'm OLD and I'm tired of being a freaking graduate student, but I just have to hang in there and finish (hell, start!) this thing if I'm going to have any chance of getting a cool job in the future. Even though I have no idea what the job market will look like next year, I have to take that risk and for the first time in my life not jump at something just because it seems like a cool idea at the time because then what if I actually get it? (hello, Foreign Service! hello, teaching high school Spanish in violent and impoverished neighborhood!).
So, it's back to the drawing board, to get my proposal polished up for the viewing and butchering by my adviser, and to continue to apply for funding that I really hope I get next year because otherwise I am going to sit down and cry for about a year. And then I really won't get any work done.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Searching for participants, part 2
Which brings up the question from Dr. Cuy; what is my definition of a resident for my study? This woman has been in the U.S. for only two months. I don't think I can put a time limit on my participants. First of all, because there don't seem to be that many of them. Second, it would be interesting to study (assuming I can find more of these folks) people with varying stays in the country, varying levels of English proficiency, etc.
After my conversation I picked my way through the drunks up to a place where people play music (how vague is that?) and found another person from Country X. When I asked him if he spoke Endangered Language Z he went into this long history about how his grandmother moved from the rural areas to the city because his grandfather was an alocholic and, alas, did not take her language with her. I'm not sure what grandfather's alcoholism had to do with that but it makes for an interesting story. And he gave me the name and number of someone who does speak E.L. Z and told me where I might find him. So the hunt continues and I'm optimistic, although I'm thinking now that 50 might be a very large number for the study. I feel like I have a sieve with big holes in it and just about everyone is falling through. I need the big rocks and I may have a couple, but it's mostly sand for now.
And having beaten that metaphor to death, I must go watch Gray's Anatomy.
Friday, September 22, 2006
HOW TO WRITE A DISSERTATION WITH NO MONEY
I'm of the (admittedly pessimistic) assumption that there is no funding out there for domestic research in applied linguistics. Dr. Cuy suggests Homeland Security but I just can't stomach approaching them for money. Plus if I told my potential participants that I'm being funded by the Department for Homeland Security, that would pretty much be the end of my research.
So, my goal for the day: find a way to get a couple thousand bucks to do my thing, preferably from an agency that does not persecute undocumented workers.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
THE SEARCH BEGINS.
Despite my having made an appointment with the General Consul of Country X, and reconfirmed this appointment via email (reconfirming being an essential component of any formal meeting to take place among members of Country X and other Latin American countries), the person at the window informed me that, lamentably, Sr. Consul was out of the office on a meeting and would I be so kind as to wait ten minutes?
The ten minutes stretched into an hour and a half, at which point I was ready to give up, go home, and fume over some literature. At this point Sr. Consul entered the building with profuse apologies and explanations about the traffic. After brushing me off for another half hour we finally spoke about my dissertation topic. To my great joy, he was interested in the linguistic behavior of indigenous peoples, having received some of these indigenous people in his office. "They are so--clean, so hardworking," he mused. He determined that he and I were going to go next week and track down some clean and hardworking indigenous people for my research. I inwardly winced at the possibility of bringing the Consul General on my first field research opportunity, but who knows, it may help.
Whatever the case, I intend to reconfirm and re-reconfirm with Sr. Consul. And have a plan B, which will involve tracking down indigenous people on my own, even if they are unkempt and enemies of honest labor. And, perhaps, take the Metrolink into town, since by the time I got back on the freeway it was 3:00 and I was forced to descend into the specific kind of hell known to L.A. residents as Rush Hour, which as far as I can tell lasts three hours in the afternoon and usually involves the shutting down of some major transportation artery due to a crash, or, in the case of yesterday, a gas leak and a man in an RV with explosives.
It's going to be a long couple of years.